Toddler Funnies

I’m insanely busy helping Techie produce a web reality series but I thought I would share a few toddler funnies from this week because I miss my blog!

Yesterday, while on hold with the utilites company, I was going through the automated voice system and said “7″ outloud…from across the room Chibby turns around and shouts “3″! Guess which one the automated system accepted!

We grabbed a quick bite to eat after a playdate at the Target food court. As I loaded Chibby into the cart to pick up a few things he looked back at the table and shouted “Bye hotdog!”

No, I said, your hotdog is in your belly.

He lifted his shirt, rubbed his belly, and said “yum”.

I love having an almost 2 year old.

Corn-and-boob-tastrophy

While blow drying my hair the other day, I hear a weird noise coming from the living room area where I’d left Chibby sitting on the couch watching Nemo.  I turn off the dryer and head out into the living room.

Conversations with a wise guy

When you’re a toddler there is no difference between smart baby and smart ass. 

Commercial Baby

I caught an episode of the Super Nanny recently in which the children in the episode were watching TV and playing age inappropriate video games all day long.  The children’s behavior didn’t even surprise me when I saw the parents saying “well we didn’t really think TV would have any effect on the them.”  Despite being nominated for a POTY award the couple learned that while it’s not realistic to throw out the TV these days, it is completely necessary to filter.  

Picked last and peed on

When you were a kid the worst thing that could happen to you at school was to be the last kid picked for the team.  Grace being my middle name and al,l I was always picked dead last.  In fact i was often the odd man out….given a “special job” by the PE teacher.  In other words you suck and we don’t want the other kids to suffer so sit here.  

While I endured some teasing, I coveted that position, never getting sweaty and always enjoying a great view of the hot guys playing sports.  I saved my energies for more delicate tasks like dancing and singing in choir and quite frankly have never need those valuable kickball skills as an adult.  

The backseat driver

Chibby and I were the way to Techie’s office today when the red SUV next to us merged into our lane (because giant shiny blue mini-vans are hard to spot on perfectly clear days like today) and nearly merged into our van.

My son, seeing nothing but a wall of red coming right at his window shouts “whoa mama!”

As the crazy swerved back to the right and slammed on the breaks (cuz one near collision is never enough) I called back to Chibby “not whoa mama, whoa that guy”

As the red SUV pulled closer again my son starts shouting wildly “whoa dat…whoa…whoa dat dat dat” jabbing his chubby little finger into the window and knitting his brow with all his might.

You tell ‘em kiddo.

Just the two of us…

After a long day of flying, car rental, wrong hotel directions, and getting up way too early I had pretty much decided that Chibby and I would spend today at the hotel while Techie did his thing.  This morning with a full night of sleep and full tank of bravery I thought I’d take Chibby to Sea World, at least until he melted down, and then we’d come back and hang out until dad was done. 

I expected a long hot stressful day but what I got was an unexpectedly perfect day….just the two of us. 

Chibby & the belly

Toddlers are very observant little creatures.  Remember the pile of crap on the porch?  My Craigslist items are selling and people are stopping by the house to claim their items. 

Today one very pregnant mom-to-be came to pick up a sling.  Chibby wandered out onto the porch with us.  He stopped directly in front of the giant walking belly (I’m not kidding folks) and stared up.  Then he smiled, lifted up his shirt and rubbed his belly.  No worries sweet Chibby…your perfect little belly button will pop out like a button on a turkey.