Two years ago for Christmas Techie gave me an iPod with the phrase “This is the year we start our family” engraved on the back.  Some 20 days earlier we’d completed our home study and after three years of trying to get pregnant and one miscarriage we were hopeful about adoption.  7 months and one week later L gave birth to our beautiful son and we became parents. 

While having things injected or inserted on a regular basis or enduring the adoption wait doesn’t sound particularly appealing we’re ready to try for #2 and it seems almost everyone has an opinion on the subject.  We’ve heard it all from friends, family, coworkers, and even perfect strangers. 

Our only concerns for having a second child have been can we afford another kid and will the second one turn out as wonderfully as the first? 

We’ve set a limit for how many fertility procedures we’re willing to attempt.  Some in our family would implore us (even though we have the most fantastic child who was adopted) to exhaust every measure to have a biological child. 

For me there is no distinction and I really have no preference for adding to our family through biology or otherwise.  I jumped off the fertility treadmill years ago and realized that being a mother was more important than being pregnant. 

Though shooting up hormones and turning into a complete bitch so I can have Techie million man army shot into my uterus via a glorified turkey baster sounds particularly appealing to me, it’s the unsolicited advice and commentary about my reproduction or lack thereof that drives me crazy.  So here are a few of my favorite irritants and my take on each.

• Oh you really don’t want another one.  Am I to assume you don’t want the ones you have?  I’ll take them!

• Start adoption and you’ll get pregnant.  Only 5% of adoptive parents go on to have biological children and the point of adopting is to get a child not a pregnancy.

• Do you need a surrogate/eggs/sperm? Uh…ewww and no.

• Are you doing it right?  We’ve been trying to get pregnant for 5 years, I can almost guarantee that I’ve had more sex than most couples who’ve been married for 25 years and what’s the point if you’re not doing it “right”?

• Have you tried  _______?  OMG no I haven’t.  Man! I paid that specialist $20,000 and endured numerous procedures and I could have just done ______?

• Just relax and you’ll get pregnant.  Miss Manners would say “Thank you for taking a personal interest.” I say “got a death-wish?”

And should Techie and I make a decision as to what is best for our family, our marriage, and decide to adopt another child the commentary will be delightful as having old wounds picked open by dutiful social workers and filling out a mountain of paperwork (every second of which is totally worth it by the way!) 

Honestly it doesn’t matter what anyone has to say, this will be the year we add to our family in whatever way we (and God) see fit.  At least we have one ally, the waiter at our favorite Chinese Restaurant said just last night “it’s time for another one no?”.  Tip him twice, cuz he’s right…it’s my uterus and I’ll try if I want to.