The things I say…

Overheard in my presence this weekend:

She said she hated newborns.  What kind of person hates newborn babies?  What’s she going to do next? Sacrifice a puppy in front of me?

Who came up with lollipops?  Let’s stick a trachea sized ball of sugar on the end of a long stick and give it to little kids.  Who thought that would be a good idea?

Well I’ve never seen your kid move.  (muttered under my breath)

Then… I reached into his mouth and pulled out half of a rock hard overcooked hotdog that smelled like lighter fluid.

Company Picnic or Bust!

Imagine a picnic draped in crepe streamers and balloons, with festive checkered table clothes covering the tables, bright red and yellow pails brimming with ice cold chilled drinks, baskets heaping with muffin shaped peanut butter brownies, juicy flavorful burgers with all the fixings that taste as good as they smell, crispy potato chips and heaping veggie pizza irresistible to even the strictest of dieters,  and potato and fruit salads scooped into individual serving cups on a bed of ice just waiting to be eaten. 

Just keep swimming…

Some days motherhood sucks. 

Why doesn’t anyone ever say that?  They should have a chapter in every baby book titled “parenting can suck too”.  When you bring that sweet new baby home you never think that you’ll be horribly embarrassed when he chucks his sippy cup clear across the restaurant at lunch, that you’ll have to wrestle him to get him into a diaper while he kicks and screams like you’re killing him, or that you’ll want to put him in a box and ship him to Grandma when he won’t go down for a nap.  

My Paris

For the last week my son has been wandering around the house sounding like Paris Hilton. 

Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s frisbees

I have a low tolerance for stupid questions and nosy people.  I have no idea how I made it through dozens of college classes and neighborhood association meetings all brimming with nosy hand raising dumb question askers.

 As you can see this intolerance is not flattering on me.  It turns me into a mean sarcastic woman.  But mocking those who annoy me brings me great joy.  

The Party Planning Princess

It’s been said that I am the queen of party planning.  I’m not quite ready to take the crown but I will admit that over the years I’ve thrown some pretty awesome parties.  From that first kegger at Techie’s house (back when he was my new boyfriend), to our luau themed wedding, to my sister’s Christmas themed baby shower, I’ve managed to do big with little money.

After a much too long hiatus from party planning I’m back in the saddle with not one, not two, but three big parties in upcoming months!  Coming very soon to this blog: how to plan a Company Picnic, an unbelievable Spring Themed Surprise Birthday Party, and a Red Carpet Reception.  Of course, as I plan each party you can be sure to see many updates on my creative process as well as photos and maybe even video of the big events. 

Below are photos and party planning tips from the party that rocketed me to fame: Our Luau Themed Wedding (not held in Hawaii)

Our entire budget for the wedding including food was $3000. 

If you’re planning a wedding use the same facility for both the ceremony and the reception to save some dough.

To mask very ugly and carpeted walls we unrolled match stick blinds purchased for $3 each at a Big Lots, removed their hardware and tacked them to the walls.  It instantly gave the room the feeling of being inside Tiki hut. 

To mask a coat rack along the entrance wall we used a green grass table skirt, trimmed down and positioned to look like the edge of a roof.  Gift table and receiving line happened below.

Grass skirts gave an island feel and hid feet and ugly tables at our head table.

I made my own bouquet and cake toppers from artificial flowers.  The artificial flowers were not cheap but withstood July heat and looked beautiful. 

Fabric (purchased on clearance at Wal-Mart) hung across the windows helped set the mood, blocked late evening summer sun, and helped hide unattractive shades.

The best part of having a themed wedding is that it instantly relaxes your guests.   Our guests were asked to wear Hawaiian shirts and flip flops.   The Mr. & Mrs. High Heel wedding was one of kind and our families had a blast.  It was extremely DIY and I will be sure to post more about how I orchestrated, while wearing high heels of course, what people are still calling “the best wedding ever!”  

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have parties to plan and a crown to polish! 

Corn-and-boob-tastrophy

While blow drying my hair the other day, I hear a weird noise coming from the living room area where I’d left Chibby sitting on the couch watching Nemo.  I turn off the dryer and head out into the living room.

Mortified Mama Monday

This week’s Mortified Mama Monday is brought to you by my very embarrasing husband.   After all what are husbands good for other than opening jars, duct taping things that are broken, and mowing lawns?

Here Come the Not So Newlyweds

I have loved the ABC reality series “Here Come The Newlyweds.” The entire premise of the show is to test newlywed couples to see how well they know each other, how well they communicate and work as a team.
Even though the show is designed for newlyweds it’s been fun for us to watch and play along. Tonight as Techie and I watched the season finally we decided that even as newlyweds we would have kicked some serious butt!

Pregnancy is for girls…or is it boys?

What’s a girl gotta do to get knocked up?  Oh that’s right…become a man!