I have an amazing knack for doing stupid things and embarrassing myself. You could call it a gift. Now that I’m a parent I also realize that when you have kids they’re always doing their fair share to humiliate. Whether you’re embarrassing yourself or letting your kids do it for you it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself.
I’ve just found out that we have mice in the wall between the living room and the front porch and have completely lost all ability to reason, concentrate, and hold my bladder. Just the thought of the little suckers in my house scurrying around with their little claws and whiskers makes me want to shower over and over and keep my baby from playing on a the clean floor in the middle of the room.
Chibby and I were the way to Techie’s office today when the red SUV next to us merged into our lane (because giant shiny blue mini-vans are hard to spot on perfectly clear days like today) and nearly merged into our van.
My son, seeing nothing but a wall of red coming right at his window shouts “whoa mama!”
As the crazy swerved back to the right and slammed on the breaks (cuz one near collision is never enough) I called back to Chibby “not whoa mama, whoa that guy”
As the red SUV pulled closer again my son starts shouting wildly “whoa dat…whoa…whoa dat dat dat” jabbing his chubby little finger into the window and knitting his brow with all his might.
You tell ‘em kiddo.
I apologize deeply for my lack of bloggyness of late folks but I am a walking petri dish. I came down tonsilaryngitis flumonia at Disney World and have since called in the CDC (just kidding but they did make me wear one of those SARS masks at the doctors office).
My official diagnosis is a flavorful combination of strep and laryngitis on a bed of flu, with touch of pneumonia and a delicate garnish of bacterial pink eye.
I’ve been tagged and it couldn’t have come at a better time. I am currently suffering from tonsilaryngitis flumonia and cannot find my brain in the pile of tissues beside the bed.
Somewhere among the bottles of pills, magazines, and half empty water bottles is my voice, which though lost won’t keep me from posting about these 10 random things, facts, habits, or goals about myself.
After a long day of flying, car rental, wrong hotel directions, and getting up way too early I had pretty much decided that Chibby and I would spend today at the hotel while Techie did his thing. This morning with a full night of sleep and full tank of bravery I thought I’d take Chibby to Sea World, at least until he melted down, and then we’d come back and hang out until dad was done.
I expected a long hot stressful day but what I got was an unexpectedly perfect day….just the two of us.
When I left the house this morning I expected chaos. I expected difficulty checking in for our flight, getting through security, keeping my son quiet on the plane, renting a car, and checking into our hotel. As is life, I got what I expected and a few things I didn’t.
Thanks to teething we were all awake at 3:30 AM this morning, mommy and daddy only having gone to bed a few hours earlier and we were all pooped before we even left the house.
Miraculously we arrived at the airport on time, checked in and went through security with ease (seriously the baby needs to remove his shoes???). My son was a dream on the plane due in part to my preparation, but I’ll get to that in a minute.
Chibby and I took the window seat with my husband beside us. My son watched out the window admiring the trucks and other planes and even the scenery as we took off which actually calmed my nerves. He slept through the layover and spent the second flight watching Cars for the 1,000th time. No screaming - no fits- no way!?
To go with our unexpected baby ease was a good dose of difficult served up by Alamo. Lines, stupid check-in procedures, the wrong car seats, and a trainee in the exit booth who took 30 minutes to fix a paperwork error (Alamo’s fault) helped us get our Orlando vacation off to a peachy start. A special thanks to the a-hole a few cars back who shouted “just give the car back” for adding a little bit of magic to the day!
Being the savvy travel I am I printed directions to the hotel ahead of time via Google maps (who got it completely wrong!) so getting to the hotel was fun. When we finally made it the hotel did not disappoint (the restaurant is another story).
So before I slip into what will hopefully be a full night of sleep here are a few of my toddler tested travel trips from today:
- Pack Cheez-its, or some favorite snack…snacks are perfect for those confine and wait periods like waiting to takeoff or waiting to rent a car. Plus they get Dad of his low-blood sugar funk.
- Compare maps and print them out ahead of time. Cross check Google and mapquest to make sure directions are accurate. Get your bearings before you leave the airport. Am I supposed to go right or north?
- No neglecting naps…seek out sleep spots, on the plane, maybe in the car, or a quiet corner at the airport to get your little on to sleep. Try to keep as much of their going-to-sleep routine as possible. We always read a story before a nap or bedtime so I brought along the story we’ve been reading at home.
- Movies for when you’re not moving. We brought along a Disney fav and played it on my laptop.
- Put the diaper bag under the seat in front of you on the plane so you can access those snacks, activities and drinks with ease.
- Pack a many little things to do. I had a few touch and feel books which are interactive for my hyperactive kiddo, a pocket-sized sticker book, and a play cell phone which kept my son happy throughout the flight.
- Choose well balanced flying times. Don’t pick a 1 hour flight with a connecting flight that is 4 hours if you can help it. Try to get an even split.
- If you’re taking electronics pack them all in one carry-on and let dad go through security with that bag while you take the kiddos through. Electronics all have to be unpacked and placed in trays and removing shoes, juggling a baby, and a stroller is enough for one person. Let the other person take all the have-to-be unpacked items through security.
- Dress everyone in slide on shoes it makes getting through security slick and easy.
- Finally, get good sleep before you leave, keep hydrated, and kiss your spouse. All of which will make you feel better, even if you rented a car from Alamo.
Toddlers are very observant little creatures. Remember the pile of crap on the porch? My Craigslist items are selling and people are stopping by the house to claim their items.
Today one very pregnant mom-to-be came to pick up a sling. Chibby wandered out onto the porch with us. He stopped directly in front of the giant walking belly (I’m not kidding folks) and stared up. Then he smiled, lifted up his shirt and rubbed his belly. No worries sweet Chibby…your perfect little belly button will pop out like a button on a turkey.
I had a massage for the first time today and I am in LOVE with reflexology (rubbin’ da feet) I felt like a new woman, a younger woman who doesn’t spend all day plucking a 30 lb. baby out of perilous situations.
I’m a good little housekeeper, which is why I’m not too ashamed of my dust bunnies, because I know mine aren’t as bad as some. Today while Chibby napped, I opted to clean behind and underneath the couch.
Sunday I’ll be serving tasty treats and wouldn’t want anyone to lose their appetite if they catch a glimpse of the filthiness that lurks behind. It’s only been two months since I did this last but I thought I’d take you along. Here’s the list of the finds which will no doubt shock, amaze, and horrify you!
