Now, at 2 years old, I don’t find the jiggling that inconvenient and I do so enjoy some snuggle time, but my helping him to sleep is actually keeping him from falling back to sleep if he wakes up at night.

Over the last 2 years I’ve heard countless people say just let him cry it out, to which I say, you go cry yourself to sleep everynight.  That will make you LOVE bed time!

So today at nap time, I placed my son in his bed and left the room.  He wandered out several times, each time without a word or even eye contact I picked him up and placed him back in his bed.  After several repeats of this process I decided it would be easier to stay in his room.  So I laid him down again, told him it was time for “night night”, kissed his head and sat in the rocking chair, laptop in lap.

When he sat up or climbed out of bed, I simply pointed at his bed and he climbed back under the covers and laid down.  After just 10 minutes, (30 from the start), my kiddo fell asleep: on his own, no jiggling, no tears.

I promptly left the room and did my parenting touchdown dance…he sleeps, I rock!

Why doesn’t anyone ever say that?  They should have a chapter in every baby book titled “parenting can suck too”.  When you bring that sweet new baby home you never think that you’ll be horribly embarrassed when he chucks his sippy cup clear across the restaurant at lunch, that you’ll have to wrestle him to get him into a diaper while he kicks and screams like you’re killing him, or that you’ll want to put him in a box and ship him to Grandma when he won’t go down for a nap.  

When you’re a stay at home mom you’re supposed to have it all together right:  a list of educational activities for the day, healthy home cooked meals, and kids who behave perfectly.  WRONG!  Being a stay at home mom is emotionally draining, and emotional drain and stress kill your energy and put your body and health in a funk.

It was on one of these sucky days last week that I picked up the book “Mom’s Need Time Outs Too”.  I spent the last week reading it (during that huge amount of free time I have) and frankly….i want my free time back.  That $12 book is now in the trash. 

Aside from being a dry read overall, I found the book to be a stale reworking on every other stupid how to be a better mom book out there.  Despite a long preface about how the three authors talked to real moms and came up with real solutions, I heard that old familiar tune…take time for yourself…oh yes, but exercise and cook healthy meals and do this and do that.

Seriously, I don’t need a book adding to my to do list.  Not that I’m a parenting pro, but here is some real world mom advice: it’s okay to let your kid eat a corn dog for dinner and run around in his pajama shirt and no pants all day while you veg out with Oprah and as PW says pick your toes. 

It’s okay to leave your kid with a dippy teenager girl (aren’t they all these days) for 3 hours every week so you can go out with the hubby.  Sure she’s not going to do your kids’ IQ any good but as long as he’s whole when you get home it’s all good!

There are days when it sucks to be a mom, there are days when it sucks twice as much because you’re a stay at home mom.  When you fight losing battles all day so you start a fight with your husband just so you can win something…it’s okay.   Once you’ve really pissed him off with an argument about what movies Bob Sagat was in, open up and clue him into what’s really going on.  Don’t hide behind a smile because it only breeds resentment. 

Call a girlfriend or email your sister and say my kid is driving me nuts today.   Your emotions get cabin fever too, let them out to run around.   Let go of the pereception that we all have to wear a brave face and be everyone’s everything. 

Let it all hang out and then start the next day new.  So what if junior went to bed with a fruit snack stuck to the bottom of his foot and mysterious pen marks on his leg….he’s fine and you will be too.  Being a mom is the job that never ends…if you need to, borrow a mantra from Dory “just keep swimming.”

Thanks to teething we were all awake at 3:30 AM this morning, mommy and daddy only having gone to bed a few hours earlier and we were all pooped before we even left the house. 

Miraculously we arrived at the airport on time, checked in and went through security with ease (seriously the baby needs to remove his shoes???).  My son was a dream on the plane due in part to my preparation, but I’ll get to that in a minute.

Chibby and I took the window seat with my husband beside us.  My son watched out the window admiring the trucks and other planes and even the scenery as we took off which actually calmed my nerves. He slept through the layover and spent the second flight watching Cars for the 1,000th time.  No screaming – no fits- no way!?

To go with our unexpected baby ease was a good dose of difficult served up by Alamo.  Lines, stupid check-in procedures, the wrong car seats, and a trainee in the exit booth who took 30 minutes to fix a paperwork error (Alamo’s fault)  helped us get our Orlando vacation off to a peachy start.  A special thanks to the a-hole a few cars back who shouted “just give the car back” for adding a little bit of magic to the day!

Being the savvy travel I am I printed directions to the hotel ahead of time via Google maps (who got it completely wrong!) so getting to the hotel was fun.  When we finally made it the hotel did not disappoint (the restaurant is another story). 

So before I slip into what will hopefully be a full night of sleep here are a few of my toddler tested travel trips from today:

• Pack Cheez-its, or some favorite snack…snacks are perfect for those confine and wait periods like waiting to takeoff or waiting to rent a car.  Plus they get Dad of his low-blood sugar funk.
• Compare maps and print them out ahead of time.  Cross check Google and mapquest to make sure directions are accurate.  Get your bearings before you leave the airport.  Am I supposed to go right or north?
• No neglecting naps…seek out sleep spots, on the plane, maybe in the car, or a quiet corner at the airport to get your little on to sleep.  Try to keep as much of their going-to-sleep routine as possible.  We always read a story before a nap or bedtime so I brought along the story we’ve been reading at home.
• Movies for when you’re not moving.  We brought along a Disney fav and played it on my laptop.
• Put the diaper bag under the seat in front of you on the plane so you can access those snacks, activities and drinks with ease.
• Pack a many little things to do.  I had a few touch and feel books which are interactive for my hyperactive kiddo, a pocket-sized sticker book, and a play cell phone which kept my son happy throughout the flight.
• Choose well balanced flying times.  Don’t pick a 1 hour flight with a connecting flight that is 4 hours if you can help it.  Try to get an even split.
• If you’re taking electronics pack them all in one carry-on and let dad go through security with that bag while you take the kiddos through.  Electronics all have to be unpacked and placed in trays and removing shoes, juggling a baby, and a stroller is enough for one person.  Let the other person take all the have-to-be unpacked items through security.
• Dress everyone in slide on shoes it makes getting through security slick and easy.
• Finally, get good sleep before you leave, keep hydrated, and kiss your spouse.  All of which will make you feel better, even if you rented a car from Alamo.   

• place a throw on the floor
• place toddler or baby in the middle of the blanket
• grab the blanket by the front two edges and pull
• zoom around the room, curving around furniture, whipping around corner
• shout out “yahooooo!”
• watch baby laugh histarically

 Once you do this they’ll want you to do it again and again but it’s good for you.  I’ve never tried this on carpet as I have wood floors…if it works on carpet post a comment and let us know.  Of course always be sure not to do this near open stairs and be careful etc.  At some point they almost always fall over from the Gs! 

I spent all day searching the web for ways to keep toddlers happy during a flight and I’m 80% sure that there will still be some sort of feet kicking, back arching, screaming meltdown at some point.   Though most of the advice was fairly useless (and some even harmful i.e. drug your baby) I did find a few gems in the bunch. 

One tot toting mama insists a box of colorful bandaids is the answer.  Baindaids are inexpensive, time consuming to open and peel, easy to peel off of seats & trays, and lets face it down right cool to a kiddo.  One mom suggested an in-flight movie via Daddy’s laptop (w/ headphones of course).  Another saavy mom suggested bribing your baby and fellow passengers with tasty snacks. 

On the subject snacks, I found the COOLEST snack holder I’ve ever seen and ordered several for our upcoming adventure.  My son is Mr. Independent and this clever sippy cup style snack holder is the perfect mess busting way to keep my little guy entertained while he practices his dining skills. 

I’ll be sharing more travel tips as I hear about them, and keeping you updated as to which tricks pass the test in February.  In the meantime, Parenting Magazine is keeping it real with this great article about air travel and toddlers. As for me, I’ll be packing the bandaids and taking all the advice I can get because I hate air travel enough without the baby frenzy. 

I know—I need a prescription.  Though I can’t remember exactly I’m pretty sure that I probably spent most of my time as a fetus tidying up the womb and since my birth I’ve only perfected my OCD. 

Why is there CRAP on my porch?  It is on the porch because I wasn’t about to bring it into the house.  Almost a year ago when we decided to sell our house I delicately packed our beloved possessions (now known as CRAP) into boxes and took it to a storage facility so that our home could be properly staged for the dozens of buyers who looked but did not buy.  Last month, after several frost-bitten hours of digging for my turkey platter, I canceled the contract on storage unit.  After a week of hauling boxes covered in dust and dead crickets, it has arrived.  I do have a plan, however, that would make the Clean Sweep Team proud.  Only 1/3 of the crap will be allowed back into the house and the rest will be sold, donated, or trashed.  Sounds great right?

Enter:  A stay-at-home mom’s worst nightmare:  the utterly unproductive day.  The utterly unproductive day is when you get nothing done at all, it’s the day when the dishes don’t get done, your kid is still in his PJs at 4 PM and you find yourself wondering: Did I go into a coma today?  Was I abducted? Did I eat some bad cheese?  No one knows the exact cause of these unproductive days but if left untreated they become contagious and may cause bad hair days. The root of my utterly unproductive day has two gorgeous blue eyes, a runny nose, and a new “I don’t know” gesture that is so cute that I’m overwhelmed with guilt and can’t possibly fault him for my lack of accomplishments. 

So the crap lives another day in the comfort of the porch, taunting me, breeding with the other crap and growing into an ever taller mountain that may smother me in my sleep tonight.   Good night room…and good night moon…and good night porch full of CRAP.

Species: monkeybusiness birdious

Habitat: Suburbs, backyards,

Traits:  

• Strong desire to climb

• Clever use of  tools and opposable thumbs

• Engages frequently in monkey business

• Enjoying picking things off floor, other monkeys, and furniture and ingesting them or forcing them into the mouths of mother monkeys

• Hangs on to mother monkey with both arms and legs

• Uses feet to pick up toys and pick fuzzies off carpet

• Likes to fling things, so far not poo

• Communicates through series of grunts and indiscernible exclamations

• Uses primate sign language

• Capable sharp-nailed monkey fingers

• Prone to beating chest & growling as signs of aggression

• Enjoys splashing in the bird bath

• Constant chirping of “da-da” and/or “ma-ma”

• Enjoys nesting, nest building materials usually included blankets and pillows from couch, stuffed animals, Thomas-the-Train chair, assorted toys and whatever can be found under couch.

• Attempting to feed baby bird style while mama bird chews her food

• Sharp beak

• Preening for the ladies

• Exhibits cockiness and believes himself to be ruler of the roost

• Dislikes being caged

• Seeks out various means of flying

A very good specimen has taken up residence in my house.  I managed to snap a picture. 

While having things injected or inserted on a regular basis or enduring the adoption wait doesn’t sound particularly appealing we’re ready to try for #2 and it seems almost everyone has an opinion on the subject.  We’ve heard it all from friends, family, coworkers, and even perfect strangers. 

Our only concerns for having a second child have been can we afford another kid and will the second one turn out as wonderfully as the first? 

We’ve set a limit for how many fertility procedures we’re willing to attempt.  Some in our family would implore us (even though we have the most fantastic child who was adopted) to exhaust every measure to have a biological child. 

For me there is no distinction and I really have no preference for adding to our family through biology or otherwise.  I jumped off the fertility treadmill years ago and realized that being a mother was more important than being pregnant. 

Though shooting up hormones and turning into a complete bitch so I can have Techie million man army shot into my uterus via a glorified turkey baster sounds particularly appealing to me, it’s the unsolicited advice and commentary about my reproduction or lack thereof that drives me crazy.  So here are a few of my favorite irritants and my take on each.

• Oh you really don’t want another one.  Am I to assume you don’t want the ones you have?  I’ll take them!

• Start adoption and you’ll get pregnant.  Only 5% of adoptive parents go on to have biological children and the point of adopting is to get a child not a pregnancy.

• Do you need a surrogate/eggs/sperm? Uh…ewww and no.

• Are you doing it right?  We’ve been trying to get pregnant for 5 years, I can almost guarantee that I’ve had more sex than most couples who’ve been married for 25 years and what’s the point if you’re not doing it “right”?

• Have you tried  _______?  OMG no I haven’t.  Man! I paid that specialist $20,000 and endured numerous procedures and I could have just done ______?

• Just relax and you’ll get pregnant.  Miss Manners would say “Thank you for taking a personal interest.” I say “got a death-wish?”

And should Techie and I make a decision as to what is best for our family, our marriage, and decide to adopt another child the commentary will be delightful as having old wounds picked open by dutiful social workers and filling out a mountain of paperwork (every second of which is totally worth it by the way!) 

Honestly it doesn’t matter what anyone has to say, this will be the year we add to our family in whatever way we (and God) see fit.  At least we have one ally, the waiter at our favorite Chinese Restaurant said just last night “it’s time for another one no?”.  Tip him twice, cuz he’s right…it’s my uterus and I’ll try if I want to.