I have a porch full of CRAP. It’s been here a week and I already like it less than my in-laws.  It’s making me angry and giving me a blinding headache.  I can’t sleep and I can’t concentrate because no matter where I am in the house I can see the peaks of the mountains of CRAP on my porch.  It’s making me want to kill my husband and pull out all my hair. 

I know—I need a prescription.  Though I can’t remember exactly I’m pretty sure that I probably spent most of my time as a fetus tidying up the womb and since my birth I’ve only perfected my OCD. 

Why is there CRAP on my porch?  It is on the porch because I wasn’t about to bring it into the house.  Almost a year ago when we decided to sell our house I delicately packed our beloved possessions (now known as CRAP) into boxes and took it to a storage facility so that our home could be properly staged for the dozens of buyers who looked but did not buy.  Last month, after several frost-bitten hours of digging for my turkey platter, I canceled the contract on storage unit.  After a week of hauling boxes covered in dust and dead crickets, it has arrived.  I do have a plan, however, that would make the Clean Sweep Team proud.  Only 1/3 of the crap will be allowed back into the house and the rest will be sold, donated, or trashed.  Sounds great right?

Enter:  A stay-at-home mom’s worst nightmare:  the utterly unproductive day.  The utterly unproductive day is when you get nothing done at all, it’s the day when the dishes don’t get done, your kid is still in his PJs at 4 PM and you find yourself wondering: Did I go into a coma today?  Was I abducted? Did I eat some bad cheese?  No one knows the exact cause of these unproductive days but if left untreated they become contagious and may cause bad hair days. The root of my utterly unproductive day has two gorgeous blue eyes, a runny nose, and a new “I don’t know” gesture that is so cute that I’m overwhelmed with guilt and can’t possibly fault him for my lack of accomplishments. 

So the crap lives another day in the comfort of the porch, taunting me, breeding with the other crap and growing into an ever taller mountain that may smother me in my sleep tonight.   Good night room…and good night moon…and good night porch full of CRAP.