Overheard in my presence this weekend:

She said she hated newborns.  What kind of person hates newborn babies?  What’s she going to do next? Sacrifice a puppy in front of me?

Who came up with lollipops?  Let’s stick a trachea sized ball of sugar on the end of a long stick and give it to little kids.  Who thought that would be a good idea?

Well I’ve never seen your kid move.  (muttered under my breath)

Then… I reached into his mouth and pulled out half of a rock hard overcooked hotdog that smelled like lighter fluid.